Tuesday, 28 February 2017

Viz's Top Tip of the Day

viz comic top tip ladies lady cyclists pantyliner deputy dawg

#7 Kiev, Ukraine

A place we are looking forward to visiting and by coincidence, we were chatting to a very nice chap who used to live there.  He also agreed it's also very much worth a visit but prefers to live in Bangkok now.

Not Been

7. Kiev, Ukraine — £46.73 ($58.32)
gettyimages-625032868.jpg
(Getty)
Hotel for two: £62.06 ($77.43)
Meal for two: £15.29 ($19.08)
Bottle of wine: £3.66 ($4.57)
Taxi: £1.55 ($1.93)
Cup of coffee: £0.94 ($1.17)
Cocktail: £2.99 ($3.73)
Pint of beer: £0.75 ($0.94)

Get a Grip

It seems everyone is going directly to DEFCON minus a gazillion and giving Trumpton an excuse for reaching for the red button.  The reason?

Someone mixed up an envelope and an Oscar winner, didn't.

Now we have the fall out, the finger pointing and the enormous ramifications of such a heinous error that will impact lasting damage to this planet and the entire human race.

Except it won't, will it?  Who gives a flying fuck and more importantly, who gives a toss about the Oscars in the first place which are all rigged and fixed in the first place.

News Thump

A Transport For London spokesperson has confirmed that passenger information broadcasts use vocabulary primarily designed to confuse non-native speakers.
A spokesperson confirmed that “it would be far easier to use simpler phrases such as ‘Get off here for…’ or ‘Exit for…’ to communicate over the tannoys, but then we’d be in danger of foreigners getting where they want to be.
“The current use of phrases ‘Alight here..’ and the famous ‘mind the gap’ are specifically chosen to confuse tourists.
In a recent interview, one member of TFL staff remarked, “We use ambiguous and complicated words like ‘alight’ that you won’t find in most phrase books just to make it interesting for visitors.
“Of course, ‘Caution’ or ‘Attention’ would be much more easily translated by non-native speakers.”
Reporters spoke with a number of tourists and admitted the tactic seems to be working.
One visitor to the capital said, “I didn’t know whether ‘alight’ meant to get on or off – or whether I should just set fire to it like my phrase book recommended.”
With Brexit bringing further changes, TFL is thought to be considering using cockney rhyming slang or strong regional accents to further dissuade use of the tube by non-Britons.
NT

Well Said

Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.
E Joseph Cossman

Put it Down

Southampton manager Claude Puel says he would like to see video technology used for offside after Manolo Gabbiadini's disallowed goal in the 3-2 EFL Cup final defeat by Manchester United.  


I would go a step further and drop the whole farce of the off-side rule completely.  I can already see the "purists" throwing up their arms in horror with the words "goal hanger" stammering out of their mouths.

Yes, and so what?  Let them use the tactic of a goal hanger and see how the oppo react, whether to man mark or another way to counter.

But the point stands and to further add proof it's no bad thing, consider field hockey that also once had the same off-side rule and then offed it in 1992 (or 1996 depending on which source you are quoting).

Quote from Wiki:

Offside abolished[edit]

After various amendments, the offside rule was finally repealed. "No offside" was introduced as a mandatory experiment in 1990 and it was confirmed as a rule in 1992 by the Hockey Rules Board. The aims of this change were:
  • to transfer the balance of power towards the offense,
  • to create more space around the circle and mid-field,
  • to help the flow of play, more goals and fewer whistles, and
  • to make the game more exciting and appealing to spectators.
New tactics were developed by many teams to exploit this new rule.

But the biggest gain?  No more errors or mistakes from the refs/umpires.

Quick Buy

One of our USB hub extensions stopped working (as they do, for no good reason whatsoever) but I picked up a 7-way powered unit for just over £20.  I know I could have got it cheaper had I nipped off to Rama 9 or Pantip but I needed it quickly and it slotted straight in and works perfectly.

So far.

DYK?

Ayers Rock in Australia reaches 1 000 feet above the ground, but the part you can't see is even more impressive: the rock extends about a mile and a half into the ground.

Life Hack

check out this life hack!:

Short Month

Can't believe that tomorrow is the start of March and that we have already seen the back of two months into 2017.  The rate we're going we'll need to start packing for our trip to Europe later this week...

How I Met Your Mother

Last night we finally made the end of the nine year series and by and large it has been consistently good.  The double episode finale though left us in two minds.

Wifey hated it and swore profusely at the conclusion, while I loved it as being true to its nature with a clever final twist.

Tomorrow we finish off The Big Bang Theory series nine which has also been super entertainment and we hope series ten will be just as good.  But what happens thereafter?  What will we watch to fill the void?

We'll let you know once we decide.

Always the Same

Being aware that we had to be up early due to our visit to immigration today, I got dick all sleep.  No chance of a catch up snooze this afternoon either as we'll be there all day and thereafter we are due to Eddie Izzard, so it's going to be a long day.

Fingers crossed we don't have any problems regards wifey's visa extension.  It is a simple form and process, we have all the corroborating paperwork (in triplicate) to hand but even then there is guarantee it will be accepted.  We also need a large slice of luck and a happy official who can see we are 100% legitimate.

C & H

Monday, 27 February 2017

Viz's Top Tip of the Day

top tip viz comic toilet

Nokia 3310

Supposedly back on the streets after a 17 year absence.  

Big deal, I use the Samsung below- if I really need to.  Most of the time it is switched off and sits in my pocket, "just in case".

Image result for samsung basic mobiles

Cor...

News Thump

Leicester City FC has taken the unusual step of sacking their match-day catering team after they failed to turn water into wine.
Despite creating meals that defied all expectations last season, the fact that miracles have not literally been performed this season was enough.
Vice-chairman Aiyawatt Srivaddhanaprabha told reporters, “Last season we handed the catering team a couple of loaves and some fish and they created a series of match-day delicacies that delighted everyone at the King Power Stadium.
“But this year, no matter how many jugs of water we provided, they didn’t create one drop of wine.  That is simply unacceptable by the standards of Leicester City.
“They used excused like one of their most important chefs being poached by Chelsea, but frankly they should be accepting responsibility.
“Leicester is the place of miracle, and if you can’t keep delivering them, we’ll show you the door.”
The vacant position has been advertised as seeking applicants with a solid track record of ‘healing lepers’ or ‘walking great distances over water’.
NT

Well Said

A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance.
Anatole France
French novelist (1844 - 1924)

Oh Yes

I watched the pilot for "Hi-de-Hi" yesterday.  Wifey walked straight out of the room again as soon as she saw what was on.

Why am I addicted to appalling TV?  It's almost as bad as "Are you being Served".  Yes, I have seen the pilot for that too...

And They're Off

First round of the 2017 WSBK kicked off down under this weekend and look forward to watching both races soon.  Do NOT tell me the results, I will not be a happy camper if I find out before hand.

Sew, Sew

Coming our in March

March 2017

Show last 5 matches and coverageCompetitionFixtureDateKick-offStatus
Premier League Sun 5 Mar13:30
Premier League
Postponed
Sat 11 Mar
FA Cup - Sixth Round Sun 12 Mar14:00
Premier League Sun 19 Mar14:15

Match Report

Lads, it’s Stoke City. After the embarrassing exit from the Europa League on Thursday, Tottenham Hotspur eased back into Premier League action by thrashing their most submissive opponents. Mauricio Pochettino’s team had beaten Stoke 4-0 in their two previous meetings and it took only one half for them to reach that score here, as Harry Kane struck three goals before inviting Dele Alli to hit another. If Wembley spooks Spurs, the sight of Stoke City jerseys cheers them right up.
Spurs, in fairness, have clobbered most opponents at White Hart Lane this season, their tally for the Premier League campaign now standing at 11 wins and two draws from 13 matches. But few visitors have been as obliging as Stoke, who, seemingly unrefreshed by a break in Dubai began as if expecting another trouncing. That was a self-fulfilling attitude that made them ideal opponents for a Spurs team eager to reassert their top-team credentials after flopping out of Europe at Wembley.
“We never really got out of the traps,” admitted Mark Hughes. “We talked about having a bright start but that didn’t materialise for us. Unfortunately we were a little bit too passive. At times we were just a little bit awestruck and had a little bit too much respect for them. Maybe some of the players had scars from the previous performances [against Spurs] but they shouldn’t have because we have been in good form recently.”
The first sign of Stoke docility came in only the fourth minute, when Christian Eriksen nutmegged Ryan Shawcross in the box and rolled the ball across the face of goal. Fortunately for Stoke there was no Tottenham player there to complete a tap-in but it was not long before Spurs players were infiltrating the area in swarms. Shawcross, for years the most formidable of sentinels for Stoke, was particularly discombobulated and Spurs’ opening goal was a result of his confusion. As the defender tried to tidy up following another incursion by Eriksen in the 14th minute, Kane nicked the ball off him and lashed in a low shot from 15 yards.
Stoke attempted to stammer a retort and, in fairness, presented a cogent argument in the 24th minute in the form of a flowing move down the left involving Ramadan Sobhi and Erik Pieters. Peter Crouch nearly topped that off with a telling finish from four yards but Hugo Lloris had the last word with a superb save. “If that had gone in it might have stirred us from our slumbers,” Hughes said. Spurs then settled the debate for good.
Jan Vertonghen fired a shot against the crossbar following a corner by Eriksen. Moments later Kane was more clinical. His second goal came courtesy of a perfectly executed half-volley from the edge of the area following an outswinging corner by Eriksen. The striker raised his left-leg with the grace of a ballerina and then brought it cracking down like a lion tamer’s whip as he sent a fierce and impeccably controlled low shot into the net.
Kane completed his hat-trick five minutes later, this time with Lady Luck joining Eriksen on assist duty. The Dane rolled a free-kick to the striker, whose strike from nearly 30 yards seemed unlikely to worry Lee Grant until it deflected off Crouch and carried on past the nonplussed goalkeeper and into the net.
Kane may have had a hat-trick under his belt but he continued to contribute to Stoke’s debagging. He embarrassed Bruno Martins Indi with a cheeky piece of skill before racing towards the box in time added on at the end of the first half. Instead of shooting from a difficult angle he presented Alli with the easy task of stroking the ball into the empty net.
Stoke, seemingly dazed by Spurs’ speed and movement, looked like they could do with a break, and perhaps a lie down. They attempted to restore a measure of dignity in the second half, or at least preserve the ruins of it.
Preservation was the name of Pochettino’s game when he withdrew Vertonghen and Toby Alderweireld in the second half amid complaints of slight strains.
Spurs did not over-stretch themselves for the sake of a fifth goal, especially after Kane collided with a post while attempting to convert a header. Alli tried to double his own tally in the final minute but flicked a shot just wide from six yards.
Alli’s overall performance was bright – and unsullied by the sort of tackle that had earned him a red card against Gent on Thursday. Pochettino had words with him after that but would not disclose them here. “They will remain private but you can imagine,” he said before adding with a smile. “I gave him more love than normal. He was very sad and disappointed [after Thursday] but he’s only 20 years old. I will always protect and support him. He’s one of the best young players in the world. Sometimes he can make mistakes but I want him on the pitch.”
The win lifted Spurs to within 10 points of league leaders Chelsea. “The target is to keep winning and be there if anything wrong happens to Chelsea,” Pochettino said. If only they could play Stoke every week.
TG

2nd- But a Game More

It must have been a bit of an anti-climax to go in at half time and be 4 - 0 up and then come out for the second and not score any more.  Still, a top result, another hat-trick for Kane (his third this calendar year) and a brief visit to second spot as Man City wait for their game in hand.

And of course The Arse are going to win 7 - 0...

I'm more than happy.

Premier League
Standings
#
Team
GP
W
D
L
GF
GA
GD
PTS
1
26
20
3
3
55
19
36
63
2
26
15
8
3
50
18
32
53
3
25
16
4
5
51
29
22
52
4
25
15
5
5
54
28
26
50
5
25
14
7
4
54
30
24
49
6
25
13
9
3
38
21
17
48
7
26
12
8
6
42
27
15
44
8
26
11
7
8
36
32
4
40
9
26
9
6
11
35
44
-9
33
10
26
8
8
10
30
40
-10
32
11
26
9
4
13
28
37
-9
31
12
26
8
7
11
30
43
-13
31
13
25
8
6
11
28
31
-3
30
14
26
7
5
14
36
51
-15
26
15
26
7
3
16
32
57
-25
24
16
26
4
10
12
19
28
-9
22
17
26
6
4
16
33
46
-13
22
18
25
5
6
14
24
43
-19
21
19
26
5
6
15
23
50
-27
21
20
26
5
4
17
24
48
-24
19